identity maturation
She looks in the mirror and mutters the words, “Who the fuck am I?” She has a kind, gentle heart; an empathetic soul. Yet, she’s become assertive, dismissive and filled with frustration— unrecognizable to herself as she pushes through new levels of discomfort and unease due to years of emotional overstimulation. Emotional expectations and manipulative tendencies have emerged as an indirect way of generating a sense of safety. This is new and unwelcome territory.
The confident, social butterfly, has become more comfortable in a solipsistic cocoon.
Hyperaware of the semi-independent subordinate to her waking conscious mind— her inner child—she decides enough is enough. It’s time to acknowledge, accept and embrace the unbeknownst vulnerabilities she’s carried with her since childhood. Her hope? To explore, self-regulate and redefine her identity…authentically and unapologetically.
Today at 2:37PM (ET), we entered the Super Full Moon in Capricorn, marking this a time of focus on maturation. A full moon manifesting in one’s sun sign is a luminary event that presents encouragement to follow whims and gives permission to prioritize personal goals. We are given the opportunity to make lifestyle choices to help better improve individuality and gain a truer sense of self as we catch glimpses of our subconscious world. As a woman birthed in Capricorn sun (pragmatic, independent and self-reliant perfectionist), the timing of this full moon is impeccable.
I love to write. hell, it even plays a key role in my livelihood! but I’ve always had this intense desire to channel my thoughts through expressive writing; to create a radically transparent narrative covering all facets of life. I’ve been doing so privately in the confines of my journal for the past two years, and, as a very private person, i’ve been extremely hesitant as to whether or not to share the ebb and flow of my journey to authenticity with the world. i sit here writing this inaugural entry more conflicted than i’ve ever been before— not just about whether or not to share my random thoughts and personal revelations, but also in my career, relationships, and home life. I’ve even had this [vision] and have been preemptively producing shorts for this blog for weeks now with no clue how to transpire the results into something “publishable.”
radical honesty— it’s scary shit stepping out of your comfort zone.
I know who I am, and those closest to me know that what you see is what you get. However, I also know there is more to life than the stagnant feeling of “stuck” that consistency and habitual patterns have led me to. What the hell am I so afraid of? Judgement? Failure?
[12 minutes later— we’re real and raw here, friends…]
a bit overwhelmed with the “are you actually going to rip the band-aid off and air some of your innermost intimate reflections?” thoughts, I took a brief break. I refilled my coffee and decided to take a deeper look into the characteristics of today’s full moon. At that moment, I felt a sense of spiritual awakening (coupled with a forceful “punch in the gut”) when the following presented itself in bold font: “…These cosmic events represent the maturation point of the lunar cycle, a moment of personal blossoming, when the intentions we set on the New Moon get fully expressed and externalized. From now on, we are invited to share the results of our inner work with others, communicate what we have learned and slowly let go of our original intentions…”
Ok, Universe! You win.
…
Final thoughts on this inaugural entry: Regardless of the irrational fears and discomfort, my intuitive reasoning knows that one of the paths to living my most authentic life is by taking ownership of my vulnerabilities. What if people judge me? Well, if I’m not being judged by someone, I’m certainly not living authentically or unapologetically, am I? Failure?—Who defines failure anyway? if i’m not “failing” at something, i’m not learning. if i’m not learning, i’m not growing. If I’m not growing, am I actually living? it’s time. time to grow and embrace the opportunity of maturation.
stay curious — xx
